“You have served well. It is time to move on. It is time to slow down. Be patient, and I will reveal to you what is to come.”
These are the messages the Lord has placed on my heart for the past several months.
You see, I am in a season of life in which I have heard the Lord so clearly telling me it is time for me to step away from my job, and yet I have been struggling to do so. Jesus himself has all but rented out billboards on I-35 for me to drive by telling me, “It is time to let go,” and yet, I resist.
I went to college for 4 years, followed by 2.5 years to receive my doctorate in physical therapy. Once I graduated, I started a dream job at a children’s hospital and have been there for the past 10 years. I joke that it is the only “big girl” job I’ve ever known. I haven’t officially lined up a new job, and with two littles to feed, my husband and I are not in a financial position that will allow me to not work long term.
I have battled and struggled, fighting the Lord on this. How can I walk away from the only job I’ve ever known? How can I serve anywhere else? I have to feed my children Lord, what about them?
And yet, despite all the logical things that tell me it does not make sense to walk away from my job, I continue to feel a strong pull on my heart saying, “You have served well, and it is time to move on.”
Finally, one day when talking to a trusted mentor, before I even told her I was considering walking away she told me, “Britt, it’s time. You have done all that you can. It is time for you to walk away.”
In that moment, I broke down as tears of relief ran down my face, because I knew she was right. I knew the Lord had granted us both time in our busy schedules so that she could speak this truth to me.
Later that day sitting at a traffic light, I noticed an odd, yet familiar feeling in my chest. It was different than the tightness I’d felt with anxiety and stress for the past year. No this was different… I knew the feeling and yet I couldn’t place my finger on it. As I laid my right hand on my chest, a flood of warmth filled my body. The feeling I’d forgotten was my heart … beating. Life was coming back into my body that had become an empty shell. Already, the Lord was restoring life into me.
That weekend, I spent in conversation with my husband and parents who all listened patiently and without a pause for breath, let me know they supported me. That weekend I felt the complete freedom in surrender I’d been seeking. It was the most glorious feeling.
I’ll be very honest for those who are reading this and have struggled with surrendering to the Lord’s callings. It hasn’t been easy. As I write this, I have 2 weeks left at my current position. This past week, we had 3 emergency department visits and 1 hospital admission with my son and daughter for dehydration after a stomach bug that only the devil himself could have created.
I’ve run into co-workers and families that I’ve known for such a long time, and my heart hurts knowing each time I see them, it may be the last time. This place and these people have been my home away from home and have seen me through some of my best and most difficult days.
And yet, I find 100% solace in knowing I am following what the Lord has placed on my heart. He’s given me clues along the way as to what is to come. Here’s what I know for sure:
1) He’s calling me to slow down.
2) He’s calling me to be more present with my family.
3) He’s calling me to write and to serve other women in some form or fashion.
And so, here I am. I am slowing down. I have been spending more time with my family. And if you’re reading this, you know that I’m writing and I pray that these words would be to service to you.
If you are in a season of change like me, I pray that you won’t ignore God’s calling for as long as I did. In so many ways, I was like Jonah. I ignored the Lord for such a long time, even when all the signs were there. I paid for running. I wasn’t swallowed up by a big fish, but for the first time in my 10 year career, I took not one but two mental health days that I spent crying on the floor.
Sister, I pray that you will listen. Maybe the Lord isn’t calling you to quit the only job you’ve ever known. Maybe he’s calling you to a new church, to spend more time with your family or neighbors. Maybe he’s calling you to donate to a charity, or to let go of a toxic relationship.
Whatever it is, know you are not alone.
There are others of us struggling to follow the Lord’s callings too. I’m not saying it will be easy, but sister, it will be worth it! The light feeling of freedom that comes with surrender, is so sweet.
And on your hardest days remember you will be rewarded as is shared in Hebrews 11:6, “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.”
